


ataraxia

by loupettes



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s02e09 The Satan Pit, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27686282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loupettes/pseuds/loupettes
Summary: He could hear her swallow back her tears and he willed for it to stop. The events of the last few days didn’t bear thinking about; he’d rather shut them away in a far off corner in his mind somewhere and frankly never think about them again. But Rose was thinking about them, and Rose wasupsetthinking about them.Ten x Rose. Fluff/romance. Rose can't sleep the night they're reunited following the events of Krop Tor. Follows immediately after 2.09
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 15
Kudos: 79





	ataraxia

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue prompt: "I thought you were dead."

“You aren’t half being bloody minded tonight, you know that?”

The ship grumbled in protest and he slammed the spanner down on the ground. “You know what? _You_ fix it yourself,” he huffed, slapping his hands together and he began picking up the rest of the tools in frustration. He reached for his sonic screwdriver and paused, feeling the stress of the last few days and took a deep breath. He sighed sadly and untucked his legs from underneath him to sit cross-legged on the floor - well, technically _under_ the floor, where he was _trying_ to fix some of the wirings she’d burnt out in her urgency to warn them of that planet. And the rather nasty tumble she took into the centre of hell. He touched his hand to the central panel and she whirred faintly. “Sorry, old girl.”

He felt the light vibrations with his hand and touched the ground with his other to check. Definitely strengthening with each pulse, one by one. Definitely footsteps. Must mean Rose has woken up. Blimey, morning already? No, hold on, it’s not been long enough yet. She’s only been asleep, what, three hours? He heard the shuffle of her slippers enter the control room a few feet above him.

“Doctor? You in ‘ere?”

“Yep, down here,” he called. He heard the rustling of clothes followed by a groan as she landed herself on the floor. A few seconds later, her face appeared in the hole above him. 

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Trying to fix whatever carnage survived that bloody trip,” he huffed, gesturing to the frayed wires around him. “Turns out she didn’t have indigestion, she had heartburn.”

“Ha.”

“I’m serious!”

She grinned. He calculated by the way her elbows rested in a butterfly-like position with her chin balancing on top of her hands that she was lying down, on her front, with her legs outstretched like a star above him. He peeked around underneath and saw that he was wrong: her legs were twisted around each other as one. “Couldn’t sleep?”

She murmured her response. “Something about the real-life devil, an impossible suspension under a black hole defying the laws of gravity that even a time lord couldn’t explain, the almost-prospect of being hurtled off to a distant planet somewhere alone with two blokes who were _lovely,_ don’t get me wrong, but not exactly my first choice in a pal, is keeping me up.”

“That coffee was pretty awful, too.”

“Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can still taste it,” she said woefully. He laughed, and she gave him a smile in return. She tilted her head and reached for his glasses, an action met by his protests, and put them on. She squinted and pulled a face in disgust. 

“These do absolutely bloody nothing.”

“For you, maybe. For me, they help me see.”

“I think they’re a prop. You just wear them when you want to look clever.”

“ _I_ think it’s time you went back to bed and stopped bullying me.”

She ignored him, of course. But he couldn’t ignore the way she looked in his glasses. He was a lost cause; he’d surrendered to the fact by now. Couldn’t stop his mind from wandering and didn’t particularly want to, either.

“Oh, alright,” he announced, picking himself up off the floor and snatching his glasses from her nose before things got out of hand. “Let’s talk about it.”

“Your hair’s a bit too short for me to plait, so let’s start with mine, yeah?”

 _“Someone’s_ snappy tonight.” He folded his glasses and hooked them on his shirt pocket before prodding her on the nose with his index finger. “I know you’re a grouch when you haven’t had enough sleep. Luckily enough for both of us, I know just the thing that’ll persuade you into saying sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“Blimey, that was easy. I was gonna make you a cup of tea and everything.”

She sighed, resting her forehead on her hands and hiding her face from him. She untangled her arms and blindly held out one of her hands to him and he chuckled, taking it to help pull himself up. She tugged on him until he’d successfully managed to make it to her level, mostly without thanks to her feeble attempts to aid him, pulling the grating back in place. Less than three seconds after he’d fixed it neatly, he felt her slam into the back of him; he had to stop himself from toppling forwards by putting out his palm to the coral in front of him, eventually adjusting himself to balance on the pads of his fingers on the ground. Her legs crouched either side of his torso and she hugged onto him tight, locking her hands together in the centre of his chest. Like some sort of frog, he pictured.

“Oh. That bad, hmm?”

She sniffled. He could feel the warmth of her cheek against his shoulder blade. “‘M just so tired.”

“Haven’t slept at all?”

She shook her head. He began to twist around but she held him still, locking him in place with her legs either side of him. 

“We gonna stay like this all night?”

“Mmm.” He could _feel_ her smile on his back and he smiled in turn at the thought. Rose, wrapped around him like a bug until she fell asleep, inevitable waking herself up when her grip loosened entirely and she collided with the ground. 

“Need me to carry you to bed?”

She smirked; he heard the puff of air blow out through her nose. “We all remember what happened last time.”

He winced at the memory. “That was a tough few days. I don’t think my knee’s been the same since.”

“It always pops when you crouch down now.”

“That’s just age, Rose.”

He’d achieved it: the Full Rose Tyler Laugh. He attempted the twist once more, and she granted his request once she realised he was twisting to make their embrace more comfortable. He pulled them both back until his back rested against the coral with his legs stretched out in front of him, and she swung hers over his and leant back into his arm. She kept wiggling, trying to get comfortable, until he asked himself what they were even doing in the first place - seemed like an awful amount of effort to sit with their backs against the coral on the floor of the control room. 

“You know what, this is proving futile. I’ve got a better idea,” he announced, pulling his knees to his chest and grabbing on to the crook of the coral, hoisting himself up. “You go get us a flask of tea, and there’s a few scones still let in the bread bin. Meet me back here in 5.”

***

She finally came to join him, a few _more_ minutes than 5 later, and he understood why when he laid eyes on her. Apart from the fact that she looked daft in a jumper, polka dot flannel pyjama shorts and fluffy boot slippers (why’s she wearing a jumper, fluffy boots and _shorts_?), she’d _two_ flasks and a _beach bag_ full of snacks. 

“What in the world have you got all that for?”

“If you say _tea and scones_ , what you really mean is _lots of tea and as many sweet treats as you can find in the kitchen_.”

“Impeccable deduction skills, Rose Tyler.”

She saluted him, padding back over to him. She was about to collapse onto the jumpseat when he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back up to a more vertical stand. 

“We’re here, c’mon.” He picked up one of their picnic blankets they stored on the floor in the corner and headed for the doors, Rose following sleepily behind him. He stepped out first, knowing what to expect, and she gasped to find she almost stepped in an approaching wave before the tide pulled it back. He grinned, taking the beach bag and flasks from her so that she could take her slippers off. She chucked them to the side of the control room and closed the door behind her, now barefoot in the sand. 

“Appropriate for me to have brought a beach bag to the beach then, hmm?” she teased. He put the flasks upright in the bag and took her hand, leading her away from the TARDIS and further out from the tide. It was dark, perhaps a little after midnight, so the kept their eyes on the ground. And that’s when she gasped. 

“Oh my God, what _is_ that?”

He chuckled, watching her take little steps around her and marvel at the sand sparking veins of vivid electric blue to her touch. She let go of his hand and nudged her feet around, marvelling at it. “Like extraterrestrial glitter,” she commented, as the speckles of sapphire scattered away from her foot with the sand. She looked out at the water and saw the waves illuminated in the same blue, vibrant and striking against the pitch-black night sky that morphed into larger flecks of silver at the horizon, splattered up and across the void above them. 

He admired their surroundings too, although he’d seen it a fair few times before. “It’s bioluminescent algae. Basically, a type of plankton having a chemical reaction where they produce light when disturbed.” He sniffed. “But intrusive, I suppose, but it makes for a nice date.”

“Ever the romantic,” she chuckled, skipping to catch up with him and link her arm around his. 

“Anyway, they’re a little dangerous, hence the picnic blanket. Basically, they’re a bit miffed they’re getting stomped on.”

“Getting less romantic as we go.”

“Shame the waves aren’t a little unruly but it’ll do. I suppose if you’re only going to wear _shorts_ , it's a good thing it’s not cold and windy tonight.”

“Well, we’ve got tea anyway. Might even be a hot water bottle or two in there.”

He grinned. “That’s my girl.”

They reached a spot not too far from the TARDIS; far enough to feel the open space around them and distancing themselves from the tide. Rose helped a little with the blanket, otherwise, she was next to useless, too transfixed by the electricity created by the movement of her feet. “S’mad,” she’d whisper to herself every now and then. Once finally laid out - and he was surprised the girl of such petite size stuffed as much food as she had into such a small bag - he sat himself down, folding back his sleeves. He watched her, too spellbound on everything around her to notice he’d finished and was already settled in. She tucked her hair behind her ear and tilted her neck as far back as it would go to observe the sky above her, shrouded in stars as far as the eye could see with no hint of civilisation around, no other landmarks besides a gathering of trees about quarter of a mile behind them.

“Where are we?”

“It’s a secret.”

She looked down at him, eyebrow raised. “Well, it’s not Blackpool.”

“And that’s all you need to know.”

She stepped onto the blanket and gracefully settled in besides him, sitting upright to sort out the tea while he propped himself up on his elbows behind her, unable to tear his gaze from her. It was terribly cliché by human standards, but he hadn’t felt this way about a human in a long time, way back before there were even enough of the same occurrences to be considered clichés in the first place. In fact, and he’d thought about this, although not for very long as he almost certainly knew the answer, he had not _ever_ felt so strongly for a human before Rose. 

Call a spade a spade: he was in love with her. Entirely, completely, unfalteringly in love with Rose Tyler. 

“Your Highness,” she announced, presenting him with a mug of tea and a raspberry scone. 

“Thank you kindly.”

They enjoyed a few minutes in silence, listening away to the waves and letting their thoughts wander. He wanted to pinch another scone, but he knew he’d had an extra one yesterday morning so this one was Rose’s. It was the last one too, so best not. He continued to sip away at his tea, looking up to name as many stars as he could, making a mental note to check out the ones he didn’t know later.

“Go on,” she said.

“What?”

“Take it.” She gestured to the scone. 

He grinned, setting his tea down to pull himself up and reach for the scone. She handed him a knife before he’d even begun looking for one, and the jar of jam just after he’d started looking for that.

“Halves?” he suggested.

“Na,” she smiled. “Call it quits. You _did_ save our lives today so I owe you one.”

He took a mouthful of his scone, repressing the urge to groan at the _perfect_ ratio of jam to cream. He fell back, resting on one elbow this time on his side. “Nope. All you, that was.”

She scoffed, twisting to look back at him. “How’d you work that one out?”

“Just know.”

“Doctor, I was drugged up and chucked into the back of a spaceship and I just held on tight, riding that wave into a black hole that _you_ pulled us out of. Tell me how any of that translates as _me_ saving us.”

He resisted the last bite of his scone, choosing instead to address that minor but very important detail she’d skipped over nonchalantly. “You were _what?”_

She shuffled awkwardly, blowing the hair out of her face when the wind untucked it from her ear. She tucked it back in frustration. “Well, I didn’t exactly step on that rocket all willing and wanting, did I?”

“Why not?”

She shrugged, turning back to look out at the waves. “Cos I thought you were dead.”

His brow drew together and he squinted, not understanding. He tried to do the equation in his head. “If you thought I was dead then why _didn’t_ you step onto that spaceship all willing and wanting?”

“Well, cos I know you wouldn’t have died, didn’t I?”

“Rose, I’m not invincible. I don’t survive _everything_.”

“Don’t joke about that.”

His eyes widened. “I’m _not_! If something kills me flat out - “

“ _Stop_ it.”

He silenced himself at her request, but mostly because the repressed sob he could hear in her voice made his hearts falter and he became suddenly unable to _think_. Above any of that, he realised, above the imperative function of his autonomic nervous system came the need to comfort her, protect her. So, he put his tea down, his scone next to it, wiped his hands on his trousers pulled himself up. He shuffled closer to her, leaning his arm behind her and resting his chin on her shoulder. She leaned back to rest against his arm and he shifted just a little so that she could rest against part of his shoulder. He ran his fingers up and down her arm as she traced the pinstripes of his trousers.

“Anyway,” she sighed. “Doesn’t matter. I was put on that ship one way or another.”

“ _Does_ matter,” he contradicted. “I’m not sure I like the sound of you being _drugged_.”

“I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of you going down into that pit,” she admitted. She hadn’t said anything to him at the time, probably because she thought it wouldn’t have stopped him either way. He wasn’t entirely sure it _wouldn’t_ have, though. It was getting more and more dangerous, this love thing, because he’d started to put her needs and wants above reason. If she’d have asked him to stay, he wasn’t quite convinced he could have denied her and they’d now both be dead. But, then again, she’s Rose, so of course they wound’t be. 

“I know,” he whispered and she shuddered at his stubble tickling the point her neck and her shoulder joined. He shifted his head in response, resting his chin completely over her t-shirt. “But we got there in the end.”

“You still haven’t told me how.”

“A lot of what happened today was unexplainable.”

She was quiet, but he could tell by the way her fingers became less precise that she was thinking about something.

“I thought you were _dead,_ ” she whispered again, much more sadly than before.

He closed his eyes at the pain in her voice once again and how it clutched his hearts tighter every time. “I know. But I’m not. I’m here, with you. Back on Earth. Not Blackpool though, thankfully. That would have been two dreadful places in one day.”

“I really thought I’d have to start somewhere new. Alone, on some planet thousands of miles from here. It didn’t seem so bad when it was with you, but the _thought_ of landing somewhere…”

He could hear her swallow back her tears and he willed for it to stop. The events of the last few days didn’t bear thinking about; he’d rather shut them away in a far off corner in his mind somewhere and frankly never think about them again. But Rose was thinking about them, and Rose was _upset_ thinking about them.

“Na. Wouldn’t have let you.”

She laughed, breaking her tension. “And just how would you have done that?”

“I’d have regenerated,” he shrugged. “Hitched a ride. I’d have found you, don’t you panic about that.”

“Shut up.” She nudged her shoulder upwards into his chin. 

He grinned, keeping his smile hidden. “ I'd've searched every planet nearby - “

“You and what spaceship?”

“Kept going. Knocking on people’s doors - “

“Ticking them off your list.”

“” _S’cuse me. Have you seen a Rose Tyler? Rowdy little thing, causes more trouble than good for her, blonde hair_ ” - “

“Why’s it always the hair that you think of first?”

“” _Next planet over, she is_ ” one of ‘em’d say - “

“Blimey, Londoners don’t even get to know their next-door neighbours, let alone Mars’.”

“I’d have gone. Off on my merry way. Turned up on your doorstep. Course, you wouldn’t recognise me, so you’d slam the door in my face, but I’d have found you.”

She kept on giggling and he _adored_ the sound, he could quite happily asphyxiate himself in it and rely solely on it to breathe. There was a point today when he didn’t think he’d be able to again. It brought with it a warmth and a comfort in him so fierce and deep that he couldn’t recall any of the _bad_ in the universe. How could there be, when that laugh echoed through it?

His bones were tired with the ache they held for her. Not necessarily his want _for_ her, although of course, he’d leap at the chance should she ever, by some wild stroke of fortune, reciprocate his feelings. But just _her:_ whatever essence or force she might contain; every influence she had on this world and all the things she’d done; every breath of air she’d awarded so many people who depended on it to _survive_ just as he did and she’d never know. She’d never know what _joy_ , what deep goodness she’d instilled in the lives of so many, scattered in their plenty across time and space and _dimensions;_ there was a man fighting wars in a parallel universe, alive and well and loved thanks for her. He wondered if there was any cell in his own body that wasn’t occupied by her, any part of his own existence that she hadn’t unknowingly claimed as her own.

“I’m so sorry I left you,” she whispered quietly.

He blinked. “What on Earth you on about?”

“On that rocket. I imagine the moment you heard it set off, you’d have felt so…” she struggled to find the right word. _“Abandoned._ And I’m just, so sorry.”

“Don’t you dare,” he warned. 

She shuddered. He moved his head to rest his forehead on top of her shoulder, gritting his teeth in guilt. “You keep yourself safe, no matter what. I’ll always find a way to you, and if I can’t then I’ll always find a way to stay alive, if only to keep _trying_ to find a way to you.”

He felt her pull away from him, and for a moment he worried he’d taken it too far. But he looked up, and she had twisted herself to look at him and for a split second, in an hope he knew was only in vain, she looked as though she might kiss him. But of course, that wasn’t her intent, and he needed to stop hoping that one day she might. But she did take his hand and lace her fingers through his, twisting herself back around and pulling him up to settle comfortably besides, his arm drooped over her shoulder. They stayed that way for a while: he let her play idly with his fingers and would occasionally tuck her hair behind her ear for her until she'd started to yawn. She gently nudged for them to fall backwards, keeping his arm in place until they were both lying down, looking up at the stars. 

Neither said a word; they just silently lay thinking, mulling over the events of the last few days and letting their thoughts take them wherever they may. Mostly, his centred around her, but sometimes he’d find himself just _listening._ The sounds of the waves and their repetitive lull so calming, retreating from them as the night matured. And at some point, she propped her head up to rest on his chest and looked out over to the ocean. He dared himself to touch her, brush her hair with his fingers, glide them across her cheek, trace promises and vows across her skin in his native language but he refrained. They’d never stayed like this, lying down together in such a way unless she’d been sick and asked him to take care of her, or, and very occasionally, like that time she’d had her face taken from her, she’d asked him to stay with her through the night. He daren’t cross that line now, though. Not when they had nothing more to distract them from the intimacy of their touch.

But _she_ was. She was skimming the hairs of his arms, leaving trails of goosebumps in her wake and she traced over them. _She_ drew circles and little patterns over his skin and he was transfixed by it, the sight of her fingers curled and relaxed, the feel of her soft skin against his. _This needed to stop_ , he told himself. Things were rapidly unravelling; _they_ were rapidly becoming entangled and he danced on the brink of something unknown. Frightening, yet utterly tantalising.

Fuck it. 

There was a small patch of skin at the back of her neck, right before it disappeared under her t-shirt that he decided was a good starting place. Not as intimate as her hair, not as absentminded as her arm. He wanted her to know that he was thinking about her, caring for her. He untangled his fingers from hers and feathered them across her skin, eliciting a soft hum of content when she felt it. She turned slightly, angling herself more towards the ground so that she could lie on him more comfortably and, without thought, his hand trailed down the length of her back, skating back up to return to that little spot, daring to go even further up to the warm skin behind her ear before ghosting down her neck to very gently, almost undetectably so, feel her pulse, to know she was alive and breathing and here with him. Calm and even. And so he continued, retracing his movements, losing himself in her until he realised she’d stopped, her hand curled loosely around his arm, her breathing steady.

“Have you fallen asleep?” he whispered quietly.

“Mmm,” she mumbled drowsily. 

“Wanna head back?”

She breathed deeply, mustering up the strength to speak. “No. ‘m comfy.”

 _Here_? He thought. _When the TARDIS is literally right there?_ Although he couldn’t complain, because truthfully he didn’t want to move either. His hand left her arm to reach for the corner of the blanket unoccupied, pulling it over her and she curled in close to his side, tucking her hands in between them and clutching onto his shirt. He wrapped the blanket around her, not quite large enough to cover the both of them but it was fine, he’d manage. It wasn’t long before he heard her light snores and he chuckled at the thought of her sulking back to the TARDIS when he finally need wake her before the tide reached them, but for now, he let her sleep, losing her anxieties to the sounds of the waves.

**Author's Note:**

> More prompts or requests welcome @[loupettes](https://loupettes.tumblr.com/submit)


End file.
